See the world with new eyes

Everyone has a favorite movie – the one movie you can continue to watch no matter how many times you have seen it before.  The one movie when upon its conclusion, you can restart it from the beginning and be completely content for another couple of hours.  The dvd is worn with scratches and smudges.  It may even skip a time or two during playback – but this doesn’t detract from the experience, as you know each scene by heart.

For me, “Mona Lisa Smile” is one of those movies.  To be completely honest, I’m not entirely sure why.  This particular genre doesn’t necessarily captivate me.  While I respect the actresses/actors in the film, none of them are my favorite.  Perhaps there is a part of me that identifies with the lead character – working in higher education, seeking to provide educational opportunities for upcoming leaders, providing a support system for students, and challenging students to see the world through a new lens.

Brilliant moments exist throughout the entire movie; however, my favorite, and perhaps the most impactful, moments occur in the last few minutes.  Betty Warren spends the entire movie fighting Katherine Watson (Julia Roberts), the new art history instructor from California, to maintain the status quo, to maintain tradition.  As circumstances develop in Betty’s personal life, she begins to understand the lessons Katherine offered to her students during her time at the college.  The movie closes with Betty approaching Katherine for help. 

We do not hear Katherine’s reply to Betty’s request – but we do hear a  monologue.  It starts with Katherine Watson as she writes a “farewell” note to each of her students before it transitions into Betty’s last editorial to the college paper.

“Dear Betty, I came to Wellesley b/c I wanted to make a difference.  But to change for others is to lie to yourself.  My teacher Katherine Watson lived by her own definition and would not compromise that not even for Wellesley.  I dedicate this, my last editorial to an extraordinary woman who lived by example and compelled us all to see the world through new eyes. By the time you read this she’ll be sailing to Europe where I know she’ll where I know she’ll find new walls to break down and new ideas to replace them with.”

The scene changes as Betty talks.  We see Katherine Watson in a taxi leaving Wellesley.  She does not know that her students are following on their bicycles until Betty Warren catches up to the passenger side window and waves – a look of disbelief on her face, not wanting Katherine Watson to leave.  Betty continues with…

“I’ve heard her called a quitter for leaving, an aimless wanderer - but not all who wander are aimless, especially not those who seek truth beyond tradition, beyond definition, beyond the image.  We’ll never forget you.”

I watched this scene recently.  It made me think of my current situation, where I find myself now.  I came here to make a difference, to invest in the lives of others, and (hopefully) be the catalyst for positive change.  I came here to actively engage in conversations encouraging others to consider new and differing viewpoints. 

Okay, so maybe I do know why I enjoy the movie as much as I do – I’ve “been called an aimless wanderer – but not all who wander are aimless, especially not those who seek truth beyond tradition, beyond definition, beyond the image.”

The greatest testament to my investment here would be to have one of my students say this when my time here comes to an end – to have my experience close with…

“We’ll never forget you.”

(Road) Trippin'

Last Sunday I attended a leadership development keynote address by Dr. Becky Spurlock for the Belmont University student leaders.  As Dr. Spurlock spoke, she noted a story that occurred recently where she went on a road trip to see Dr. Brene Brown in Birmingham, Alabama.  The trip, according to Dr. Spurlock, exemplified the several of attributes of  some of the best road trips – it wasn’t really planned, it required flexibility and adaptability, there were moments of doubt as the trip came together, she encountered obstacles, and finally, and perhaps most importantly, the trip was worth it.  The trip was worth the hesitations, the doubt, the obstacles.

After listening to Dr. Spurlock speak, I began to think about my bucket list for the year.  I wanted to take a road trip with a good friend and I wanted to try a burger from Moonshine, Illinois.  Randomly as I thought about these things, I thought of one of my best friends, Andrew.  Andrew enjoys road trips and really enjoys food.

So, on a whim, I called Andrew.

I knew we had a long weekend this weekend and asked if he wanted to head out to grab a burger in Moonshine, Illinois.  He accepted and we worked out a few of the details.  We would leave Sunday after he got off work, head up to grab the burger, and head back to Nashville the next day.  We had no idea where we would sleep, no idea where exactly we were heading, or what, if anything, else we would do.

As the week progressed I began to experience hesitation about the trip and doubt that I should go.  Situations developed at work that I thought I might need to stay near Nashville.  I started thinking about budgets and not wanting to spend too much money.  And, as shallow as it sounds, I didn’t know if I wanted to go that long without access to the internet and e-mail.

And that clinched it.

I realized I needed the trip.  I needed to get away and not have every detail planned.  I needed some time with a good friend with no ties to my job so I could completely detach.  I needed to remove myself from a constant connection to the online world and experience life.

It was worth it. 

As I sit here writing this blog entry before the conclusion of the trip, I know the experience has been worth the hesitation, the doubt, the cost, and the obstacles. 

So far on this trip, we:

left far later than anticipated,

got lost on the country roads of Kentucky,

drove through a group of 12 deer,

sang/yelled to songs on the radio,

slept on a random person’s living room floor,

ate one of the best burgers ever,

were told that because we wore our keys on our belts and I was in flip flops that we “weren’t from around here,”

and engaged in awesome conversations.

Lesson from this bucket list item: life with passion – even if it means driving 12 hours for a cheeseburger.

525,600 Minutes

A year.  12 months.  365 days.  525,600 minutes (I dare you not to think about the song from “Rent” when you read that).

It feels like a long time with seemingly endless possibilities and experiences.  Yet, as I look back on my life, I realize how quickly each year passes.  It has been 2 years since I started work at Belmont, 5 years since I graduated college, and 10 years since I received my driver’s license.  Within the past few years alone I earned 2 degrees from 2 different institutions, published an article in a peer-reviewed scholarly journal, and started researching another.  I fell in love, endured a broken heart, and survived.

However, through all of this, I’ve realized I let much more pass me by – the dreams and experiences I keep putting off for another day with the mistaken belief that I will accomplish it before the years end, only to find each path untraveled as December comes to a close. 

No more.

I have a new rule, a new motto for this year – I want a life that sizzles and pops.   I don’t want to get to the end, or to tomorrow even, and realize that my life is nothing more than meetings and coke cans and errands.  I want to laugh out loud and enjoy each day (paraphrase from Shauna Niequist). 

So with that in mind, I created a bucket list I want to complete.  I’m posting it here as inspiration both to complete the list and for future blog posts.

1.  Go hang gliding

2.  Go to Italy

3.  Write a song*

4.  See a new play

5.  See Evita

6.  Go to Philly

7.  Go to Seattle

8. Go to a hockey game

9.  Make amends with someone I love

10.  Learn another instrument

11.  Write a book chapter

12.  Blog

13.  Finish another journal article

14.  Meet a personal hero

15.  Write a postsecret

16.  Dance like no one is watching

17.  Go on a road trip with a good friend

18.  Have a DMC with someone

19.  Gain another belt in martial arts

20.  Create a painting

21.  Perform a song

22.  Get a burger from Moonshine, Illinois

23.  Swim under a waterfall

24.  Make a 6 course meal

Some of these are intentionally a little vague – there is a particular person with whom I want to go on a road trip, a particular person with whom I want to make amends, a particular instrument I want to play, and a particular play I want to see.  However, I don’t want to post the full details here – I’ll post the reflection instead.

So here we are – 525,570 minutes and 24 experiences to go.

Here Today

Recently, I discovered Netflix added one of my favorite tv series – The West Wing.  The show offers a glimpse into the fictional presidency and administration of Josiah “Jed” Bartlett.  Throughout the series, President Bartlett engages in numerous candid conversations with Communications Director & Senior Staff Advisor Toby Ziegler.  As the series comes to a close, someone leaks classified information regarding a military project.  Toby later admits to leaking the information.  Consequently, President Bartlett terminates him as Communications Director.  In the conversation between President Bartlett and Toby, Bartlett makes the statement “…that you were always headed for this crash and burn – that self-righteous superiority, not that you were smarter than everyone, that you were purer, morally superior.” (The West Wing, Season 7, Episode 5)

I’ve started thinking more about this quote recently as I rediscovered my appreciation for this show.  Looking back, I can see how this characteristic is cultivated and developed in Toby’s character.  I’ve also started to wonder what this looks like in real life.  Is this symptomatic of arrogance or hubris?  Is there a difference?  And what are the implications for professional performance, particularly within a field with a foundation in helping others and development?

I’m inclined to believe that excessive pride and arrogance are hindrances to developing the skills and competencies needed to help others.  Both lead to looking down upon others and varying viewpoints.  Both thrive in environments where exploration and discovery are discouraged and dreams are diminished.

Both provide a stark contrast to confidence.

Confidence creates an inclusive environment unafraid to engage in varying viewpoints/perspectives as it does not view those perspectives as detracting from its own worth and value.  It creates a supportive environment for others to express divergent views and explore new alternatives.  It invites dreamers, wonderers, and wanderers recognizing their value and insight.

While hubris, arrogance, and confidence are derived from the same experiences, it is the attitude following that determines the difference.

And now – let us move forward in confidence.  Let us dream.

Worth It

So it has been some time since my last post.  I did not attain my goal of posting at least once per day throughout the month of September - but I learned a lesson through the experience: Goals are important.  Reaching those goals is satisfying.  Keeping things in perspective and allotting time to priorities most important to you can be worth the delaying other goals.  In this case, investing in my residents and developing those relationships took precedence over writing a blog post per day.  And...

It was worth it.

While I enjoy writing and am trying to hone my skills, creating an environment where my residents are able to have fun, learn, and grow is immensely more valuable to me.

Is it easy to be discouraged?  Yes.  Especially when you don't necessarily see the fruit of your labors - when you don't see the growth in others that you had desired to facilitate, when the community doesn't seem as strong as you had sought to create.  This is when you must retain hope.

Hope that your labors are not in vain.

Hope that the programs you help facilitate reach out to individuals - even if it doesn't appear that way.

Hope that relationships are forged and strengthened even if you don't see it.

And when you realize that you have not worked in vain, that you have not hoped in vain, the moment is that much sweeter.

For me, that moment occurred in a conversation with one of my residents.  He and I speak when we see each other, but he isn't the resident with whom I have the strongest relationship.  While he is involved in the community, he has found other outlets to become involved in the greater campus community as well.  In this conversation, he looked at me and said several of the guys were talking and decided they were glad I was their RD.  The comment caught me slightly off-guard and I inquired what made them decide that.  He noted - because you have a good balance taking your job seriously enough that we respect you and listen to you, but not so serious that you aren't willing to have fun with us.

In that moment, I realized that taking time out of my day to watch Jeopardy, lose at ping pong, win at Super Smash Bros, attend concerts, share dinner, etc. could forge relationships and influence individuals more than I could realize.

In that moment, I realized that despite how relaxing writing can be, despite how nice it can be to allow my introverted nature to manifest - the joy gained from relationships and conversations like these are more valuable.

Grace

Recently, I’ve heard the phrase “both/and” more and more.  It is used most often as an alternative to the phrase “either/or.”  I’m not sure why, but the phrase sparked a thought in my mind regarding my approach to my career.  For so long, I’ve viewed it as a balance of grace and accountability – as though the two concepts were mutually exclusive. 

But what if they aren’t? 

What if the two concepts are related in a “both/and” kind of way where it doesn’t have to be one or the other?  What if, instead of having to choose between holding individuals accountable or extending grace, the two were so intricately interwoven that by choosing one I am also choosing the other?  How would this affect how I operate in my job?

Thoughts for the day.

New Year's Resolutions

The new academic year commenced not long ago.  A new energy has revitalized the campus – new students, new classes, new initiatives.  For me, there are new ideas – thoughts ranging from faith conversations to friendships to food to entertainment. 

A few of my friends, who also serve in Student Affairs, have noted how the beginning of the academic year often carries more significance than the new year in January – it is here that many of us create resolutions we hope to accomplish.  I’ve thought a lot about this as of late and have decided to create my own list of resolutions for this new chapter. 

1. To write a new entry on this blog each day for the month of September.

My goal through this resolution rests with trying to manage the imbalance between work and life that exists within Student Affairs professionals.  I want focus more on activities and interests that are not directly derived from my career.  Making an intentional effort to write a new (and hopefully) interesting post each day will ideally give me the added push to engage in something new, something fresh.

And with that – a new melody begins…